Judgement is a reaction

“Judgement is a reaction to our own thoughts or to an experience in the world outside of us. If we were to simply accept the feelings that arise in response to the inner or outer stimulus, observing without condemnation or praise, and without action, we would be free.”

 

These words had been rattling around in my awareness for more than twenty-four hours before I finally surrendered and typed them up.

As soon as I got them down a whole lot of insights flowered in my awareness. I would like to share these with you for I know that in our deepest connection to each other, there may be something in my words that will serve you.

I realized that in my own familial upbringing and conditioning, I always experienced a deep sense of separation and isolation. My role was that of the scapegoat or black sheep of my family. This is not an uncommon thing. Many families, societies, religions and countries invariably scapegoat some member, minority group, city or religion upon which they project all of the shadow aspects of their own psyche.

I grew up feeling that I could not share much of myself with my family. Not my achievements, nor my disappointments; not my pain, my sorrow, my fears, my hopes, my joys, my interests, my unfolding awareness and spirituality. Not any aspect of my life, for it all seemed to be of little or no interest to the rest of my family. After leaving home at a very young age, the distance I felt from my family grew to such a degree that I always felt on the outside, and I accepted my role because it was what it was.

In the past couple of weeks, all these behaviours have been highlighted, and in seeing them, I realized that I had been maintaining the status quo long after any external influence had ceased.

My ingrained belief in my role resulted in a life of estrangement and distancing. Not just from my family, but I have kept varying degrees of protective separation in all of my relationships, even in my relationship with life itself.

I have recently completed my second book and have been very quiet about it, mentioning it briefly to very few and not understanding why I felt so uncomfortable even speaking about it.

It is now obvious to me, that my subconscious and conditioned belief that no one would be interested in anything I accomplished, had created this discomfort and reluctance to share. In truth it was more than just a belief, I see that it was a fundamental fear of rejection.

So ultimately and perfectly, my own anticipation of a lack of interest in my family, in my friendships and in the world about my book has, of course, created the ensuing lack of interest. Even the small mentions I made about my book and its completion attracted little or no response.

I have sat with all the hurt of the past rising up like a flood and allowed the full experience of it.

I remembered a year ago wanting to change the cover design because I thought my name was too big and should be shrunk and positioned at the bottom of the cover. I would have done it had it not been for Claudio’s insistence that I leave it as it was. It is a beautiful cover done by a lovely lass in Serbia called Nada Orlić who created it after reading a few extracts of the book.

I observed my dogged resistance when Claudio recently suggested I begin to plan a book launch and tell people about my work.

I have been fully aware of the repressed excitement and trepidation I have been experiencing this past week.

So here I am sharing with you my liberation from my own long hidden and industriously maintained role-playing.

I want to tell you how happy I am about this book. It has been a wonderful journey as it poured itself out through my fingers to manifest as a book entitled “Presence”.

I want to tell you also how liberating it is to allow myself the full experience of excitement and delight in seeing it through to its end.

I wish to share with you all the teachings that have served to liberate and enhance the experience of this life called Sa.

Even this communication is a wondrous and joyous part of the birthing and celebration of “Presence”.

I have sent “Presence” off to a printer but must first check the proof copy that will arrive in the first week of December. After that, once I okay the proof, I will be ordering some copies of the book. I hope that you will be interested in reading what has taken three years to complete.

Thank you to everyone who has in some way or other connected with me at some time in my life, for in our connectedness, I know that whatever is liberated in one, is liberated in all.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Posted 24th November 2017 by Sa Silvano

3 Comments
  • Jenny
    Posted at 08:10h, 26 November

    Beautiful, thank you for sharing this Sa x

  • Spirit in the ,material world
    Posted at 12:59h, 26 November

    Dear Sa,

    I was impressed to read about the story behind the book. It is hard to be honest and open and reveal true experiences in one’s life.
    I definitely would like t0 read your book. Respect your openness and honesty.

    Blessings and best regards to Claudio too,
    Mika

  • Katina Woodruff-Roberts
    Posted at 13:46h, 26 November

    Sa,

    Thank you for sharing your heart, your love, and also your pain, so openly. As you do so, it heals others. I thank you and I love you.

    I am SOOOOO thrilled that you have written a new book. My copy of your last book has bookmarks all through it on pages I have found particularly beneficial. After not having read it for a little while now, the other day I very nearly took it off the shelf to start reading again and something subtly stopped me, which is so interesting because I LOVE that book. Now I believe that my soul already knew you had a new book prepared for me, and that your new book was the one I wanted to reach for. I look forward to buying it as soon as it is available!

    May you be blessed on this beautiful day of sharing your heart.

    Sending much love,

    Katina